After the upheaval (terrible pun unintended) of the last few days, I thought it might be a good idea to write about The Completely Sensible Way To Act During An Earthquake, or rather, what I found myself doing during an earthquake.

1. Like everyone else  in Lunigiana, make sure you ring the emergency services to ensure that they know that there’s an earthquake actually happening. It is, after all, entirely plausible that they hadn’t noticed the foundations of their office trembling, or the fact that their desk had overturned itself.

2. Find a good place to cower. I particularly recommend a good old fashioned hide under the kitchen table; not only is it a safe place, you can also turn it into a fort, because that’s a completely grown up thing to do…

3. Wine. Find wine and make sure it’s with you in your makeshift table fort.

4. Panic about the chickens not being shut in. Consider going out to fetch them. Remember that in a minor earthquake, foxes will probably be too preoccupied to kill them. Question whether attachment to said chickens might be becoming a little too extreme.

5. Run out of wine and curse yourself for thinking that one bottle would be enough.

6. Get bored now that you have run out of wine and consider alternative earthquake friendly activities. Suggestions include venturing out into the kitchen for another bottle of wine, attempting to find a pack of cards or moaning monotonously about being bored if there’s someone under the table with you (extra points if you manage to re create the eye rolling whinyness of your teenage days).

I found this was a productive and undeniably good way of waiting out an earthquake if, like me, you were incredibly lucky and escaped the worst of it. If not, here are some actually helpful earthquake instructions. I hope everyone stayed safe over the past few days!